The Boring Housewives of New Jersey

I don’t know if it’s because we’re coming off the most dramatic Housewives season ever with the New York ladies, but so far, the New Jersey season has been nothing but boring. While babies are cute and cuddly, it turns out they are not as entertaining as nervous breakdowns, and bar brawls. New Jersey hasn’t been my favorite of the bunch, but they have always been good for one thing: drama.

So far, the season seems to be more about the housewife’s kids than anything else. Danielle’s daughter is modeling, Jacqueline’s daughter is still annoying (her new baby boy has adorable cheeks though), Caroline’s son is opening a strip car wash (if that isn’t a mafia move I don’t know what is…), Teresa just whined out her fourth girl, and I’m not really sure what happened to Dina’s daughter…Didn’t she have one? While kids are nice, this isn’t The Real Spoiled Brats of New Jersey.

But there appears to be hope…at least in one episode. Since Bravo started promoting this season, they have rolled the same clip of some huge dramatic scene involving Danielle  (of course) and the other ladies, and apparently the police and some crazy ex felon. While this promo helped perk my interest in the season, if this scene doesn’t air soon, and deliver, I might use my 10:00, Monday night DVR slot for something else.

Originally posted May 26, 2011

The More You Wave, The Less I Want To Serve You…

Remember when you were in class as a kid, and your teacher asked a question that you totally knew the answer to, so you leaned out of your chair and stuck your hand as high up in the air as you could, and wavedd it around yelling, “ooohh, ooohh, ooohh. Pick me”? But it never failed, she would ignore your eager attempt to answer that question and would call on little Jimmy, who would be sitting in the back, picking his nose, thinking about his mac and cheese he would be getting for hot lunch. “UNFAIR!” you moaned, as you would plop back into the hard seat, and sulk in defeat.

Ordering a drink in a club is much like trying to answer a question in a classroom.

Every night, I stand behind my bar and serve patron after patron. I pour whiskey cokes, shots of tequila, and more vodka Red Bulls than you can even begin to imagine. People bang their glasses on the counter. People holler. And people wave their hands at me. And it never fails, those people wait much longer. I will always take a quick glance through my line up of people, and immediately point at the person standing patiently. I will then go back to my well, make their drink, take their money, and then look for the next person not waving annoyingly at me. It will only be when no one else is left, that that waiver will get their drink.

I say lots of things in a night over and over again: “Vodka Red Bull?” “9 dollars!” “Yes, a vodka Red Bull is 9 dollar!” and “the more you wave, the less I want to serve you!”

Stop waving! Take a note from Jimmy. I bet he gets lots of drinks in clubs nowadays.

Originally posted June 29, 2010

I love Accessories!

It’s no secret accessories make a wardrobe. A great necklace, a bold ring, and my favorite, a signature pair of sunglasses, can transform an ordinary outfit. Accessorizing is all about balance; knowing when to wear pearls or when to wear diamonds, when to wear silver or when to wear gold, and when to go sweet or when to go spicy. Here are a few of my favorite accessories right now.

I know it’s summer, but black is always in.

Match a bold ring with a bold necklace.

Nordstrom

Ray Ban “Wayfarers” transcend gender, era, and seasons. They are ALWAYS in style.

San Francisco Fisherman's Wharf

I found this ring for $5.00 at a vendor at Fisherman’s Wharf in San Francisco. Flea markets and street vendors are great places to find one of a kind jewelry.

Forever 21

There’s no better place to find inexpensive, but fun necklaces than at Forever 21. This one was $6 and I wear it ALL the time.

Gift from grandma

My grandma has been buying me things I don’t like for years now. Suddenly in her really old age, she’s managed to get a hit here and there. This flower hair clip was one of them. I’m sure she got it at Kmart or JCPenny’s, but It’s cute nonetheless.

Originally posted June 24, 2010

A Word About Pro Athletes

I’ve had the displeasure of serving many pro athletes over the years. Because I prefer to work at high end places, these establishments always tend to attract the “famous” people in Seattle. I use famous in quotes because it’s sort of an oxymoron. Because Seattle doesn’t have real famous people, its pro athletes are the closest thing to it.

In my experience over the years, and as recently as last night, pro athletes are the biggest pains in the ass. They are entitled and demanding, and while they often “roll” with large wads of cash in their pockets, they rarely use that cash for anything other than buying drink (i.e. they don’t tip well).

The way I look at it, if you are going to demand special treatment, and be a dick-wad the whole night, the least you can do is back it up with sizable tip. If baffles me that these men who sign multi-million dollar contracts are so stingy. I’ve had homeless people tip better than some of them…seriously.

While I’m sure they think they are super important because they can catch a ball, or throw a ball, or throw a ball into a circle, or wrestle other men to the ground, I am not impressed.

On a side note though, Sean Kemp was quite pleasant. He ordered shots of Patron for everyone around him (I’m not factoring in his motives….), and gave me high-fives every time I served him. I don’t care if they call him the “Bobby Brown” of basketball, he’s so far my favorite Pro Customer. High Five.

Originally posted May 28, 2010

 

What The Kelly

Ahhh, the Real Housewives. Though I am a bit ashamed at how entertained I am by this show, I simply have to admit that I look forward to Thursday night at 10:00 all week. And though I watch all the cities, this season of New York is by far the best.

When Kelly appeared out of nowhere last season, I immediately did not like her (much like everyone else on the show). I watched in total disbelief at the stupid things that came out of her mouth, and felt horrible for Bethenny as she was the brunt of Kelly’s craziness. I wondered all season if anyone, other than Bethenny, was aware of Kelly’s insanity, and then was relieved at the reunion show, when it appeared that they were. So I was a little surprised this season, when all the housewives seemed to put that in the past and befriend her all over again. But it appears it all blew up in their faces, and we saw it last night!

She’s totally nuts. Really truly nuts. I have yet to hear a whole sentence come out of her mouth that makes sense, and if she messes up one more saying, I’m going to send in a letter to Columbia asking them to revoke her degree, as it is really hurting their reputation (making lemonade out of lemons is taking a bad thing and making it good. Making of mountain out of a molehill is taking something small and making it a big deal…Pretty elementary idioms.). Though it makes for good TV (based on the amount of people that have blogged about the episode!), she still makes me want to punch her in the face. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t watch and re-watch her go bananas on all the ladies, because I definitely did. The best part was how they were all talking about her like she wasn’t there….any she didn’t even realize it. Actually, my absolute favorite part was when Bethenny told Kelly that Sonia thinks she’s crazy, and at the same time, Sonia says, “I do,” and Kelly says, “No she doesn’t.” I howled.

But entertainment aside, what is the deal? Is this woman really this nuts? Is she really so delusional that she has no idea what a lunatic she looks like? Could she really believe that anything she says makes any sense? I’m baffled by this whole situation. I do have to say though, I was thrilled for Bethenny, that everyone finally “was watching the same channel” as she’s been since the beginning. I feel your vindication Bethenny! And no, I also do not think you are trying to kill her…

Originally posted May 24, 2010

Things I Refuse To Let Go Out Of Style

1.) Stretch Pants: They came into my life in 3rd grade and didn’t return until I was 23, I’m not letting them go again.

2.) Flannel: Maybe it’s just the Seattle in me, but my love for flannel will never die.

3.) Stripes: I don’t care if “nautical” is in, stripes are always stylish.

4.) Rainbow Flip Flops: California style is California style, and Rainbows will always be a staple.

5.) Scarves: Anything that helps keep me warm is here to stay.

6.) Tights: Too comfy to ever go back to tight, pinchy nylons.

7.) Wedges: Gives me height without blisters…need I say more?

8.) Moccasin Slippers: Slippers that don’t look like your granny’s…

9.) Vests: I really, really love a good vest. I’ll fight to keep them around as long as possible.

And most importantly:

10.) Ray Ban’s Wayfarers: If they’re good enough for Audrey Hepburn and Andy Warhol, they’ll always be good enough for me.

Originally posted My 22, 2010

The Tip That Keeps On Tipping

I’ve been a bartender for a long time. For a long time, I’ve lived off those 10%, 20%, and the occasional 30%, tips that you patrons so generously, and sometimes, not so generously, leave me. But today, I have decided to give back; i’ve decided to give you a all some tips of your own…

When you are a bartender, you always have your favorite types of customers: the rich old men that leave you big tips, the liquor rep that leaves you samples, the entertaining homeless man that brings you “treasures” from the streets…we all have our favorites. But all and all, I think I can go so far to say, that the majority of bartender prefer serving other bartenders. Why is this? Because they get it. They understand how it works. They stand in our shoes and know how to act accordingly. I truly believe every person should have to work at a restaurant at one time or another, so they really understand how it all goes down.

But since I will probably not be able to get people like my grandpa to serve a night at Anthony’s so he knows leaving a 5% tips and some change, is not OK, I will write on this subject for all of you. I hope you all learn something that will help you have better dining experiences, more patience, and less spit in your food…

Originally posted May 24, 2010

Dedicated To My Grandpa Oscar: Washington Drivers Suck

Most of the time, when we see drivers on the road going substantially under the speed limit or pulling out in front of us, it turns out to be an old person. In their oversized cars, and handicapped plates, old people tend to fit our stereotypical slot of “slow drivers.” But not my grandpa. Grandpa Oscar was a passionate man in all areas of his life, so naturally this spilled over into his driving. Grandpa flew down the freeways, yelling at people to move out of the way, and honking at anyone he felt deserved it. I remember standing between the two front seats of his van, as he sped to our destinations, feeling the rush of almost hitting 90 (better to admit this my parents now that he’s passed and not before…).

Today, I find myself replicating many of his habits. Rarely do I maintain the alloted speeds limits. Often I yell at people for going to slow. And not a day goes by that my horn goes un-honked. Grandpa taught me many things in life, but one that has really stuck with me, is that most drivers suck; specifically Washington drivers. As a result, I find it only fitting to write about Washington residents inabilities and shortcomings in this area. Being that this seed was sowed by my late Grandpa, I again found it fitting to dedicate this blog to him.

So this blog, and all its future postings go out to Grandpa Oscar, and the greatest saying he ever said when we asked him if he should be going so fast: “If everyone went the speed limit, it would be a parking lot from here to Portland!” I love you Grandpa!

Originally posted May 24, 2010

Stop Killing Off Important Characters On Season Finales!!!

I thought it was perfectly ironic to start my TV blog with an entry about this years season finales. Traditionally, this is my least favorite time of the television season, being that all my favorite shows come to end, and sometimes unexpectedly do not return. The month of May becomes a nightly tear fest as some characters leave, some reunite, and some die. But this 2010 finale season has been particularly sad, as it has apparently become required to kill off at least one important character.

Though I am fully aware that these are fictional character, after months, and sometimes years of watching these people, I become somewhat emotionally attached. I know, kind of sad, but if you were honest with yourself, you’d admit it too. So when creators kill off beloved characters, it really puts a damper on the show’s future.

Killing characters off at season finales is nothing new. I remember all too well when Marissa died on The O.C. I wondered how the show would go on when Buffy died. And I stopped watching 24 when Jack Bauer’s wife died at the end of the first season. But some shows offered some emotional relief with promises of a baby, lingering proposals, and unexpected returns. What has happened to all these cheerful endings that left me excited for the next season rather than sad?

As the end of May approaches, the majority of the season finales have aired, and I find myself in a television depression. The last scene of Gossip Girl showed a dying Chuck, laying on the streets of Europe, after being shot and mugged. Private Practice forced us to watch poor little Betsey get the bad news that she is now an orphan as her adorable father Dell took an unexpected turn for the worse and died on the operating table. Brothers and Sisters, in their uber dramatic form, got all of us excited at the discovery of water on the hidden property, and therefore, saving all their financial futures, and crushed that hope with a 30 person pile up, including almost every single family member and the alleged deaths of Robert, and maybe Holly. Oh and Uncle Saul has aids…can’t forget that one. On 90210 Liam beats Casper to death…thank God, that kid was a horrible plot choice…but what will that mean for him? But in all the dramatics, I have to give one show props on the death choices: Gray’s Anatomy.

Although last season they killed off George (though not unexpected as the plan had been leaked all season), and this season Katherine Heigl ditches out for her movie career (which I don’t think anyone cared about after all the press of her being a snotty bitch), this season they created what I believe the perfect way to kill off characters and provide a dramatic ending, without leaving viewers depressed and not excited for the next season. At the start of the season (or end of the last…not totally sure), creators introduced the “merger” story line in which another hospital merged with Seattle Grace. As a result, all these new residents joined the staff, but were not welcomed…by the characters, or the viewers. These new characters were sooo annoying. I’m not sure if they did this on purpose or what, but none of the new characters were able to blend (wait, I stand corrected. The hot black guy with the blue eyes seems to be working out OK) with the others. So as the season came to end, creators simply killed them off. I was thrilled to see that annoying Reed shot at the start of the episode, and a little disappointed that the other annoying girl lived, but either way, 2 deaths, no main characters! McDreamy and Karev were shot, but they pull through at the end.

All and all, Grey’s season finale provided a suspenseful 2 hour episode, packed with twists and turns, and satisfying deaths. I recommend other creators taking this approach; creating annoying characters and killing them off at the season’s end that is. I figured out something was wrong when I started looking for satisfying episodes in Reality TV, instead of prime time. The ironic thing is, I’m always hoping someone dies on reality shows, but they never do.

 

Originally posted May 22, 2010

A Birthday Tribute To My Mom

Today is my mom’s birthday. It’s also 10.10.10., which is pretty cool, but more importantly, it’s her birthday. I thought as a tribute, and instead of a cheesy card, I would write a blog about how amazing she is, all the amazing things she has taught me, and all the things I appreciate about her. I’m already crying…not good.

The older I get, the more people I come in contact with who have been severely messed up by their mothers. It truly is amazing how influential your mom is on who you are as an adult and how well…or not well… you function in society. I see these girls who grow up resenting their moms, and the funny thing is, they are JUST like them. I can’t help but wonder if they even realize this?

Don’t get me wrong; I know I am just like my mom too (I know many of you were probably reading that laughing, thinking I’m one of those people). I just happen to be happy and honored to be compared to her. I have been so incredibly blessed to have a mom who has been such a good example of what a very healthy, stable woman, wife, and mother should look like. These days, it doesn’t seem like there are many good examples left. My mom has not only been the most loving and supportive person in my life, she has also taught me more invaluable information than I could ever share in one blog, but I will highlight the things I am so grateful for, and that have molded me into the person I am today.

If you knew me as a child, you have probably used the words difficult, high energy, even wild, to describe me. I know that I was not the easiest child. I refused to wear socks because of the little line that went across the toes that creates a little bump at the end, so my mom would cut off the little bump, and then I wouldn’t wear them because they then had a hole in them. I refused to let my mom style my hair or wear frilly dresses without a $20.00 payout (I was the richest 3rd grader). And probably worse of all, I did not take no for an answer…ever. But somehow, my mom knew how to handle me. Most mothers would have fought and screamed at me, and dug their heels in, creating a very hostile and frustrating environment, but my mom figured out to pick her battles, and let me win most of them. As an adult now, I really believe that if she would have fought me on everything and said no out of principal, I would have built up a lot of resentment and rebellion. Because my parents gave me a lot of room to burn through my energy, I didn’t grow up with either of those common issues. Not too many women could have handled me as a child, and I know most of you women out there who have known me my whole life are nodding your heads right now. I am so appreciative that my mom realized that I was just a very high energy child that needed to make my own decisions, good or bad, and that I was smart enough to learn from them. She let me cut my hair like a boy, even though she knew I’d hate it, she let me wear shorts to school every day even though people probably wondered why I was not wearing pants when it was snowing out, and she let me come and go as I pleased as teenage, because I was a good kid, and I never did anything to break their trust (except hit a couple cars I tried to cover up, not to much avail). If it weren’t for my mom’s wisdom in how to handle a difficult child, I could be a very different person today.

I have never met a more selfless person than my mom. If the rolls were all gone and one of us asked if there were any more, she’d give us hers. She didn’t spend money on new furniture, remodels, or jewelry, she spent it on us and what we wanted. She never complained about this or made us feel bad, and it really wasn’t until I got older that I even realized it. My mom worked full time and still had a home cooked meal on the table every night, had the house clean always, and the laundry folded. I always felt that she put our needs ahead of hers. When you’re little, I don’t know that you really can acknowledge that for what it is, but I always felt extremely safe and loved. As an adult, I now realize it was because of her selflessness. We live in such a selfish culture, and the people today that I know that have this issue, usually come from very selfish parents. I work everyday to fight this attribute, and I am so thankful that I have both a mom and a dad who have exemplified this my whole life.

As I mentioned before, my mom is probably the most loving person I’ve ever met. She never dislikes people, she doesn’t hold grudges, and she truly cares about others. I can’t imagine what it would be like to grow up and not feel loved ALL the time. Even when she would get mad at me when I had done something wrong, afterward, she would always come and ask me for forgiveness for getting upset with me and then would hug me and tell me how much she loved me. I can’t imagine too many children were asked for forgiveness from their parent for getting mad at them for being a pill. She has told me she loves me every day since I was probably born, and that she is proud of me, and that I am beautiful and smart, and that I can do whatever I set my mind to. Because she told me these things constantly, I simply grew up believing it. I would say you could describe me as a confident adult, and was often told was a very confident child. I am this way because my mom made me feel all those things I listed and never tore me down or discouraged me. I see so many girls my age that have identity issues and I am so grateful I don’t because my mom always made me feel loved.

My mom is a wealth of knowledge. She really is the wisest women I know, and if you listen, you can learn a lot from her. One of the greatest pieces of wisdom she passed on to me was to never ask a man for anything until he eats. Whenever I forget this advice it bites me in the butt. Write that down if you need to. She taught me to always trust God, to pray continuously, and how to fight with insurance, credit card, and mortgage companies on the phone. When I need to know how long I can go after the expiration date and still eat something, I call her. When I need to know how to get out a stain, I call her. When I need to talk, complain, or share exciting news, I call her…I call her a lot. I know this blog may sound like I don’t have any problems or issues. This isn’t true. I still have issues, I just can’t blame my mom for them.

Happy birthday to the best mom in the world!

Originally Posted October 10th, 2010