I know, I know…you think you’re super cool with your navy blue blazer over an ironic tee shirt, and designer jeans. I know you think you look so good with your fake tan, and you probably think you’re fooling everyone with its authenticity…you’re not. And I’m sure Ice Man has been your hero since you first watched Top Gun 10 years after it first came out, but perhaps idolizing Hollywood’s token Doucher is not as great of an idea as you thought (do note, Val Kilmer’s career took a pretty pathetic plunge after this part). Maybe this act gets you a girl here and there (nothing lasting long as no girl wants to be with a guy that tells himself how beautiful he is rather than she), but I’m sure you’ve gotten more punches and tossed drinks to the face than lays. If you ever come up to me again, while talking on the phone, and demand a drink, and then refuse to pay till you finish your conversation, I will make sure the bluest drink I can make will accidently find you and smear your orange tan for everyone to see. If you want to be a Douchey tard, move to L.A.
Your Pleasant Bartender
Originally posted June 12, 2010